Hopes for the near future

[Miri]

Of late, I have done nothing but hunt.  For sign of my missing husband, a way home, gold and jewels with which to secure the items I must buy and, on occasion, those who would wish my loved ones any harm.
Strange though it may seem to those who know of my past, I weary of the stench of blood, the whisper of my blade parting the skin of my enemies and the gold I must obtain from such killings in order to ensure I do not break an old oath.  The only disciple of the goddess of death I may be, and yet such things were never a part of my duties to her, nor have I ever derived pleasure from them.

Lahessa is a peaceful goddess.  She never did much like the nocturnal pursuits of my younger years, but she knew why I did as I did and respected my choices.

Either through boredom, a wish to tread another path if only for a while, or a need to emerse myself in a passion I had known since my childhood, today I baked.

At first, as I mixed ingredients for cakes and rolled out the pastry for pies, I concentrated solely on the tasks I had set for myself, continuing to keep my thoughts at bay as I had done since I first came to this land.
And yet, as my fingers kneaded the dough for a batch of sweetbreads, the things I had retreated from for so long broke through and I was given no choice.

Only one time in my life have I cried: the night I was forced to slit the throat of my beloved brother in order to spare him days of suffering from the poisons that infested his body.
But today, I almost broke down in tears once more.  Not for the darling sister I had widowed back then, or for the beautiful life I had taken, but for myself.
The silence is deafening.
The weariness crushes my spirit with hands of ice.
The uncertainty wears away at my resolve.
I feel as thin as a fallen autumn leaf, as dry as desert sand and as purposeless as a broken goblet.

But not all is desolate and empty for me.
Sometimes, those feelings are lifted for a time.
The presence of my paladin brings me to life for as long as he is near.
When he leaves, I am but a shadow once more.

However, my wandering mind brought me hope this day.
Death's Night approaches swiftly: a time for reflection and remeberance, a time to take comfort in the joys of the past and the time most sacred to me for it is the festival of my goddess.  The one night of the year in which she is truly appreciated by my misunderstanding kin.
In theory, it should also be the night in which she and I are closest, for she is ever my goddess and I her disciple.
Perhaps, even so far from my own world, I might feel her divine presence, hear her silversweet voice, mayhaps see her perfect features as I did when I walked by her side beneath the shady boughs of home.

Now, as the dusk gives way to the velvet softness of night and the welcoming scents of my days indulgence dissipate into the cooling air, I look to the near future and feel the warmth of renewed hopes.