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Author Topic: Mixed Emotions  (Read 1997 times)
« on: June 27, 2006, 01:26:39 PM »

Two nights ago, the High Queen of Pixies appeared in this strange land.
I was fortune enough to witness the reunion between her and Celandra, her daughter.  It was such a beautifully heartwarming moment.  Celandra, who has been staying with Urian at his, as yet unbuilt, house was keeping herself busy making furniture and other items when the clearing lit up as if a star had fallen to the earth.  Instantly, the sweet girl put aside her project, jumped up from her seat and rushed forward into the embrace of her newly morphed mother.
As always, I found it somewhat odd to see an expression of intense love cross the usually cold features of the High Queen, yet she squeezed her emerald cats-eyes closed as she wrapped her arms about the slender form of her offspring and a single silvery tear of condensed magic rolled down her alabaster cheek.  Her blood red lips moved ever so slightly as she whispered into the ear of Celandra, but I can not repeat what she said for it was in the sweet language of her own kind: a language made entirely of music and light; a language very few elves have ever understood, none of whom have ever been able to emulate.  I can only assume her words were ones of love and joy from the soft, trilled tones and happy notes that she uttered.
When Urian returned home a short while later, I decided it was time for me to depart.  The elf I raised from infancy is no more given to public displays of affection than his flame-haired wife, but I knew they longed to touch one another, so long had they been apart.
Retiring to a tree a little distance away, I sat and watched the moon in her progress across the sky.  As happy as I was that those three had found each other, I could not help feeling sad.
I have been gone from Ennor'Galen, the world of my birth, for nigh on a century now and every day that passes is beginning to wear away at my resolve.
Whereas once I would awaken beneath the bright morning light to see the perfection of my husband's form dancing his way through his daily warm-up routine, his glossy black hair floating on the breeze in couterpoint to his graceful steps as he spun first one way and then another, now I open my eyes to strange walls in a land I do not know.
Whereas once my every waking moment was blessed with the divine presence and occasional quiet chatter of Lahessa, the goddess who, perhaps unwisely, chose me as her first and only disciple, now I feel nothing and her voice is gone, no matter how much I strain my ears to hear her.
Whilst I have met up with Balek, Urian, Eldryth, Celandra and now Minerva, two of whom are a part of my own family, still I feel lonely.  The love of my life, the brightest star in my sky, is missing and now I can no longer be sure that he even lives.  Lahessa would have told me if it was his time to pass beyond the veil, but I can no longer hear her, so how can I be sure that he will be waiting when I return home?
The uncertainty is the worst part...
Sometimes, I think that perhaps I should simply let myself go, breathe my last breath and join my goddess in her own realm, but once again it is the uncertainty that prevents me.  Fuegan might be alive, I may yet get home... and on the other side, how do I know that I would even return to her warm embrace?  This is not my world, not my universe, how can I know for sure that I would go to my afterlife and not that of a local god of death?  So far from home, the Chaos God of Pleasure may even be able to make good on the promises he made to me; to snatch my soul as it passed and finally enact his revenge for my part in the breaking of his Cult.
Fear does not stop me, fear does not drive me, but the chance that I may yet live to see my love surely stays my hand.
Even with the renewed hope that Minerva's presence brings, even with the knowledge that some of those I care for are here even as my heart is lifted with the joy that Celandra spreads willingly, still I am hopelessly alone...
And so, still within the tree, I look to the heavens and call to them with my mind, soul and voice.
Fuegan, Lahessa... Where are you?
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